I find Christmas to be one of my favorite holidays. It’s the only time of year when you and your whole family can get together and exchange gifts and have fun. Once you have a job, you are pretty much expected to buy presents for everyone, which can be fun but very expensive if you have a big family.
The first thing I did Christmas break was go to my uncle’s house. We drove down there Christmas Eve and I stayed the night there. I had a lot of fun because most of my family was there. Both of my uncles were there, my grandma, my mom, and even my aunt from California was there. It’s not very often that I any of us get to see my aunt since she moved out there last year. We watched TV, played cards, ate dinner and then opened all of our present on Christmas Eve, which was exciting. I ended up getting about 100 bucks, a couple gift cards and two pairs of jeans. After we were all done opening presents, we watched one of the new movies that my uncle got for Christmas.
On Christmas day, the girls made breakfast and we all sat down together and ate. At about noon, my girlfriend’s parents dropped her off at my uncle’s house. Then we got to play some more card games with her for a while, which was fun. We left my uncle’s house at around 2:00 or 2:30 to head back up to my dad’s house. I had more presents waiting for me there. When we arrived, I was surprised to see all of my dad’s side of the family there, both my aunts and their husbands.
Finally, I opened up all of my presents there, and was surprised yet again at what I was given. I had received about $250 cash, a couple shirts and a heater for the basement. I also gave my girlfriend her presents at that time. I got her a necklace, a Petco gift card, and a light for her fish tank. We were both very pleased with what we got for Christmas.
Christmas time was the best time of the year for me. I played cards, watch funny movies and open presents with family, which I liked very much. My favorite part of Christmas break was getting to spend time with family and the person I love most, my girlfriend. I hope next Christmas will be just as good.
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Steven: You had all the parts of the essay: intro, body, and conclusion, but the voice was a little dry. Your story was very broad, so it would have been nice to see you focus it. Also, a majority of you sentences sounded the same. For you next essay try to really narrow the topic down. Just so you know, we'll work on transtions, and I think that will help your paper "sound" better.
ReplyDeleteAudience and Purpose score: 3.2
Format score: 3 No heading
Total Score: 40/50 80%
I can relate to your story because it kinda sounded like what i did this christmas vacation. Also you should try using more detail because it was kinda choppy. Other than that good job.
ReplyDeletei really liked your story because you described what you did very well. also, you told what you did not only with part of your family but the other part also. lastly, how you went into detail about what you got for christmas, and how you had to buy presents for everyone else because you have a job, i can relate to that. and come to MCDS sometime and i'll hook you up!
ReplyDeleteGreat story it has format and good language.
ReplyDeleteYour sentences however all had about the same style and the transitions were rough. Watch for spelling make sure to reread your piece out loud. I liked that you spent time with your family and you weren't afriad to share how you felt.